First of all, mopane worms (aka the caterpillars I ate this past weekend) are disgusting. I remember an argument between two of my roommates in college, one claimed that her time in South Africa was a "culinary vacation" and the other came back and basically hadn't eaten anything in 2 weeks ... I’m going to have to side w/the latter (sorry Katie).
Second I think I'm the only person who can come all the way to Africa and still be cold on a regular basis. Somehow I forgot the seasons were reversed and winter is starting to roll in here ...
OK, now my week:
I've been at the PMH working in the Pediatric ward all this week. PMH is the government hospital which is adjacent to the Baylor clinic where I have been doing outpatient HIV care for the past 3 weeks. Baylor also supplies one of the three teams that admits and manages patients on the PMH pediatric wards. I'm afraid that I’m going to be utterly unable to capture for you what my week working in the hospital has been like. The "ward" is really just one big room that has been divided into 4 sections by 3 incomplete walls, there are no ‘rooms’. In each section there's up to 10-11 kids (plus family), some of whom have beds on frames, many of whom have mattresses laying on the floor. My first day we had 22 kids on our service (there are 4-5 people on our team, one attending, one medical officer, one intern, visiting scholars) and our list included one child with cryptococcal meningitis, one with H.flu meningitis, 3 with severe respiratory distress not responding to PCP, broad spectrum antibiotics, TB treatment or fungal treatment; Candida sepsis, post streptococcal glomerulonephritis complicated by PRES, kwashiorkor/marasmus ... and so on. We "order" things during morning rounds and then spend the rest of the day drawing our own labs (phlebotomy, catheters for urine and placing IVs - more or less), doing procedures (lots of LPs), placing catheters in anyone who needs it, making sure the nurses are actually giving meds when we've asked them to and running back and forth to Radiology because the machine to print x-rays has been broken since I got here. In the midst of all that, if someone crashes, then you also pause everything to resuscitate kids.
So those are the logistics (sorry for the excessive medicine shop talk). Personally this week has been, as I often find it, bittersweet. Full of both great joys mingled with heart wrenching sadness. We lost three kids this week - which is bad even by PMH standards. All babies between 3 – 6 months with respiratory distress who just ran out of energy to keep breathing. I'm not really sure how to tell you about this. But please pray for the mother's of Onka, Kim and Pride this week. Then there are also kids like Kaone, a beautiful one year old girl, who also came in looking like she was at deaths door, her mother didn't want us to do an LP but finally relented. Now she's been on crypto meningitis treatment for 10 days and is often the best part of my day as she wanders around the ward creating mischief. Gift, a 12 year old boy with post-strep ATN and PRES, laid deliriously in bed for 4 days not responding well to treatment … then woke up and started talking to us! We offered to get him some tea (he hasn't eaten in the last 4 days) and he says "God bless you very much" - he is slowing rejoining us.
This week I have discovered that there is a very quiet passage from life to death for those babies who go back to Jesus. But it is the pain of the mothers and aunts and uncles left behind that shakes us. However, it is also in these moments of profound pain that I see the beauty in humanity. I see complete strangers rally around one another in grief and support. I see mothers look after the kids who are orphans in the beds next to them, they give them food and play with them. They give what they have to offer no matter how large or small it maybe. They rise and sing Hallelujah to God every morning before rounds as a group.
This week I have also begun to see the Truth of why the poor and needy are the people of God - why those without resources are able to find Him so much more easily than I can. I used to think it was just because of simplicity - because they had so much less junk in their lives then I do. But this week I've begun to discover that maybe it's also because for me - I have the illusion of power. I have PICU's and ventilators and so many resources at my disposal to intervene and feel like I am exerting my power on the world - my will on life and death. But here, not because we have nothing, but because we are so near our own powerlessness, it becomes clear that I may treat and love and serve to the best of my ability as a doctor and a child of God - but ultimately, He is the giver and the taker of life. And as women on the ward laugh at my Setswana (that's their language) and look shocked that you hold doors for them and play with their children - the Lord reaffirms in my heart that every child I treat will go on to be sick again, to ultimately die someday in the near or far future. And although He calls us to fight for justice for His people, it is not the medicine and treatment I give that changes and impacts their life. It is the evidence of an unconditionally, unearned love that comes from Christ that mystifies, touches, changes people and brings hope.
I will spend my last week on the wards and fly next Friday. Hopefully I will send another update before then, but if not then I'll be sending the last email to you myself stateside.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support - you have no idea how much they have meant to me.
Friday, April 24, 2009
AFRICA WK3
To all:
This week ends my time in the Baylor Outpatient Pediatric HIV Clinic, and I'll say that it's been a rollercoaster of a week. I've gotten to see patients independently this week and check out to an attending physician (like an intern would do in the States) so that has been very cool and simultaneously very overwhelming. The Baylor doctors here are really good and I’ve learned a lot from them - but it's also overwhelming how much I don't know and how complicated our patients can get. In order for HIV medications to continue to function our patients have to take >90% of all their doses, for the rest of their lives, so 1/2 of our time everyday is just trying to figure out how to help them do that and there are so many reasons to fail ... you're too young and your mom doesn't give them to you, you’re a teenager and pills infringe on your social agenda, you're a 12 year-old and you don't understand why you have to take something that makes you fell nauseated and dizzy, you're an orphan and no one is responsible for you, you forget ... and on and on. So I'd say my week vacillated patient to patient between me feeling totally inadequate or feeling really empowered that I actually know something after 3 years of medical school ... to sum it up: humbling and exciting.
I see Jesus here - I see HIM in the morning prayer and praise, when patients who know they will be sitting in clinic for the next 8 hours with children (who are probably not their own) stand up and praise Christ with abandon. I slowly see HIM emerging in some of the staff here who are believers. I see HIM at the orphanage when the kids bless their food. I see HIM in the beauty of HIS creation here ... But I think today, I simply long for it to be THE day, when all the tears and all the pain and all the suffering that our fallen state brings into this world, be wiped away. I am glad today that I do not "fight the long defeat", but a battle that has ultimately already been won, and that Christ promises strength for HIS will to be done since I often feel small in comparison to the vastness of what we are called to fight for.
I am also quite sure after being here that I was made to be a Pediatrician and to continue on in this endeavor of justice for the poor - for God's people. I can't say I'm sure where this will take me, but I am quite sure that it will be good and there will be joy in the center of my Father's will as there is to be found nowhere else.
Thank you all so much for continuing to be a part of my adventure. No hippos this coming weekend - but I am having "traditional African food" cooked for me this Sunday by one of the social workers here and caterpillars were mentioned as the main course (no I'm not kidding). One of my objectives while here was to keep worm-like things out of my body … oh well. Also, I start at the local hospital on Monday, so there should be all sorts of new revelations.
Please pray for me to have strength and peace and a loving attitude with the staff next week.
2 Corinthians 4:7-14
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatnessof the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in everyway, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but notforsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body thedying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus'sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. Sodeath works in us, but life in you.
This week ends my time in the Baylor Outpatient Pediatric HIV Clinic, and I'll say that it's been a rollercoaster of a week. I've gotten to see patients independently this week and check out to an attending physician (like an intern would do in the States) so that has been very cool and simultaneously very overwhelming. The Baylor doctors here are really good and I’ve learned a lot from them - but it's also overwhelming how much I don't know and how complicated our patients can get. In order for HIV medications to continue to function our patients have to take >90% of all their doses, for the rest of their lives, so 1/2 of our time everyday is just trying to figure out how to help them do that and there are so many reasons to fail ... you're too young and your mom doesn't give them to you, you’re a teenager and pills infringe on your social agenda, you're a 12 year-old and you don't understand why you have to take something that makes you fell nauseated and dizzy, you're an orphan and no one is responsible for you, you forget ... and on and on. So I'd say my week vacillated patient to patient between me feeling totally inadequate or feeling really empowered that I actually know something after 3 years of medical school ... to sum it up: humbling and exciting.
I see Jesus here - I see HIM in the morning prayer and praise, when patients who know they will be sitting in clinic for the next 8 hours with children (who are probably not their own) stand up and praise Christ with abandon. I slowly see HIM emerging in some of the staff here who are believers. I see HIM at the orphanage when the kids bless their food. I see HIM in the beauty of HIS creation here ... But I think today, I simply long for it to be THE day, when all the tears and all the pain and all the suffering that our fallen state brings into this world, be wiped away. I am glad today that I do not "fight the long defeat", but a battle that has ultimately already been won, and that Christ promises strength for HIS will to be done since I often feel small in comparison to the vastness of what we are called to fight for.
I am also quite sure after being here that I was made to be a Pediatrician and to continue on in this endeavor of justice for the poor - for God's people. I can't say I'm sure where this will take me, but I am quite sure that it will be good and there will be joy in the center of my Father's will as there is to be found nowhere else.
Thank you all so much for continuing to be a part of my adventure. No hippos this coming weekend - but I am having "traditional African food" cooked for me this Sunday by one of the social workers here and caterpillars were mentioned as the main course (no I'm not kidding). One of my objectives while here was to keep worm-like things out of my body … oh well. Also, I start at the local hospital on Monday, so there should be all sorts of new revelations.
Please pray for me to have strength and peace and a loving attitude with the staff next week.
2 Corinthians 4:7-14
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatnessof the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in everyway, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but notforsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body thedying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus'sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. Sodeath works in us, but life in you.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
So I know you're all awaiting breathlessly to see if the hippos got me ... so I'll end the suspense with a quick update of a different tone.
Camping was crazy. It wasn't camping in the true sense of the word since we don't have all the equipment. We drove up to Tuli park (5 hours north of here on the South African/Botswana border) and stayed in a traditional thatched hut on the Limpopo river w/all supplies provided, our side was Botswana and the other side was South Africa. The weather was beautiful, I ate my weight in s'mores (that's to make up for the Easter basket I’m missing this weekend), and discovered that apparently in Africa it's normal to drive around and find that - oh - there's a herd of elephants walking across the road. And some Zebra and a herd of Impala, water bucks and spring bucks ... It was such a privilege to spend a quiet Easter outside watching God's incredible creation bring Him glory.
We ran into some South African kids fishing (and wading in hippo/crocodile infested water) and they wanted to know why we didn't just walk around the park on foot or walk out into the river with them. When we told them it was because we were afraid of being trampled by elephants or eaten by hippos/crocodiles they looked at us like we had four heads. "Don't you have animals in the United States?" So, probably the first of many cultural differences where the respective sides just stayed at an impasse. It was also weird to be told that I have a cool accent and that being from Dallas is glamorous. They also wanted to know how many movie stars I’m friends with !
Also had an interesting run in with some other locals who were an abrupt reminder that Apartheid was not so long ago the norm in South Africa. It's not really worth reliving, but you should pray for the continued reconciliation of whites and blacks in South Africa. It is a battle far from won.
Our camping trip wraps up with a heinous drive home. Nine hours instead of five. Exciting parts included a prolonged search for gas which had us traveling to many interesting places I would never have thought to search for gas stations, salvation from a Rastafarian guy who gave us 2 liters of petrol (we weren't entirely sure it wasn't 1/2 water) and a run in with a corrupt police scam that was using Easter as an excuse to basically steal money from people. They told us we could pay them 1000 Pula ($130) or surrender the car, and since they carry really big guns we decided that initiating a chase was probably a poor plan and paid the money.
So that was my very unique Easter in Botswana. I hope that each of you had a blessed weekend. Thanks so much for continuing to follow with me by reading and responding to my emails.
Camping was crazy. It wasn't camping in the true sense of the word since we don't have all the equipment. We drove up to Tuli park (5 hours north of here on the South African/Botswana border) and stayed in a traditional thatched hut on the Limpopo river w/all supplies provided, our side was Botswana and the other side was South Africa. The weather was beautiful, I ate my weight in s'mores (that's to make up for the Easter basket I’m missing this weekend), and discovered that apparently in Africa it's normal to drive around and find that - oh - there's a herd of elephants walking across the road. And some Zebra and a herd of Impala, water bucks and spring bucks ... It was such a privilege to spend a quiet Easter outside watching God's incredible creation bring Him glory.
We ran into some South African kids fishing (and wading in hippo/crocodile infested water) and they wanted to know why we didn't just walk around the park on foot or walk out into the river with them. When we told them it was because we were afraid of being trampled by elephants or eaten by hippos/crocodiles they looked at us like we had four heads. "Don't you have animals in the United States?" So, probably the first of many cultural differences where the respective sides just stayed at an impasse. It was also weird to be told that I have a cool accent and that being from Dallas is glamorous. They also wanted to know how many movie stars I’m friends with !
Also had an interesting run in with some other locals who were an abrupt reminder that Apartheid was not so long ago the norm in South Africa. It's not really worth reliving, but you should pray for the continued reconciliation of whites and blacks in South Africa. It is a battle far from won.
Our camping trip wraps up with a heinous drive home. Nine hours instead of five. Exciting parts included a prolonged search for gas which had us traveling to many interesting places I would never have thought to search for gas stations, salvation from a Rastafarian guy who gave us 2 liters of petrol (we weren't entirely sure it wasn't 1/2 water) and a run in with a corrupt police scam that was using Easter as an excuse to basically steal money from people. They told us we could pay them 1000 Pula ($130) or surrender the car, and since they carry really big guns we decided that initiating a chase was probably a poor plan and paid the money.
So that was my very unique Easter in Botswana. I hope that each of you had a blessed weekend. Thanks so much for continuing to follow with me by reading and responding to my emails.
EASTER WEEK
This is a short week for us because everyone gets off on Friday and Mondayfor Easter, it's also really busy because everyone is trying to get intoclinic before they go on holiday. So clinic has been hectic. I'd saythings are definitely getting to me a little more this week - our kids arejust really hard. Some things I've seen:
- A mom worried about how much school her child is missing to come to appointments at the clinic to get blood work and drug refills. She fears that one day the whole country will start to think that all people with HIV are inherently stupid, when the truth is that many of them were just sick too often to attend school.
- Absent fathers. This is not really something I see, so much as someone I don't see, ever. When the kids tell us who lives at home the word"Dad" pretty much never comes up. Usually Mom tells us how she found outshe had HIV, got herself tested, put herself and her baby on HIV medicationsand was shortly thereafter left by a husband who wasn't interested inknowing his status or being associated with an HIV+ person. I hear aboutolder brothers (20's) who are more interested in sleeping all day thenwaking up to help their young siblings take their ARVs. I hear aboutunemployed boyfriends living off of single mothers. I fear this place has adeeply scarred view of manhood though I can't understand why or how such athing would've deteriorated to such a point. One woman said "Eh, men? Someof them are good for something, but most of them are good for nothing".
- Eight people, at least 1/2 of whom are HIV+, living off of 150Pula a week ($40).
Yesterday I got to go to an outreach clinic. Outreach clinics are community clinics where Baylor docs mentor local docs on how to give good pediatric HIV care. This trip definitely opened my eyes to how different the care isat Baylor clinic vs. the local world. It was a small two room clinic with await room overflowing with kids and adults to be seen. The doctors"clinic"room was about a 10x10ft space with some chairs, a desk, and an examining table (which was never cleaned the whole day we were there). The medical officer (they're not called doctors here) didn't have a stethoscope or an otoscope, didn't wash his hands all day and did not do anything that I would call a physical exam all day. But this is why Baylor is there to mentor right? So it is good that Baylor is not only striving to provide excellent care to our patients in clinic but also trying to take that care out to community doctors and empower them to treat people with a higher level of care as well.
Today was wonderful, I spent the day at the SOS children's orphanage inTlokweng. There's 170 orphans who live in 16 different houses (12kids/house and 2 "mothers"/house). Each house has two mothers so that the whole compound is split into these family units. It was beautiful to see the kids taking care of one another and refreshing to play with them outside for the day (the spontaneous dance party was by far my favorite part). I often feel separated from our patients in clinic because of the language - so it was such a gift and answered prayer to be able to just love on these kids for the day without language being an issue, because kids tend to be less hung up on words than adults. They were all so happy, and fed and well taken care of yet still desperate for attention and love. So it was aprivilege to be able to fill a small hole for them today by simply being willing to be a human jungle gym. It also never ceases to amaze me how the Lord is working in so many ways.That we don't so much "take" Him to people or "make" His plans come to fruition so much as be allowed to participate in the plans and actions He has already put into motion. I talked with a 19 yo girl named Maple at the orphanage today who has been befriended by Christians from Guatemala whovolunteer at SOS sometimes when they have time off from teaching at a local school. They have impacted her so deeply that she says she wants to go to Guatemala and study the Bible someday.
So I'm not sure that my entry this week has an overarching point. I feel privileged this week to have been able to love simply in Christ's name. I feel burdened by the suffering of His people in this place. I am continually awed by the beauty and strength of people who are suffering and poor but persevering. Please continue in prayer for me that God grants me opportunities to love His people well and connect with the culture here. Please pray for Christ to continue to bring hope and love to the people, and little people (those are children), here in Gabarone.
(you can also pray I don't get eaten by an alligator or a hippo when I gocamping up in Tuli park this weekend. We're staying by the Limpopo river andI'm not pumped about all the wildlife.)
This is a short week for us because everyone gets off on Friday and Mondayfor Easter, it's also really busy because everyone is trying to get intoclinic before they go on holiday. So clinic has been hectic. I'd saythings are definitely getting to me a little more this week - our kids arejust really hard. Some things I've seen:
- A mom worried about how much school her child is missing to come to appointments at the clinic to get blood work and drug refills. She fears that one day the whole country will start to think that all people with HIV are inherently stupid, when the truth is that many of them were just sick too often to attend school.
- Absent fathers. This is not really something I see, so much as someone I don't see, ever. When the kids tell us who lives at home the word"Dad" pretty much never comes up. Usually Mom tells us how she found outshe had HIV, got herself tested, put herself and her baby on HIV medicationsand was shortly thereafter left by a husband who wasn't interested inknowing his status or being associated with an HIV+ person. I hear aboutolder brothers (20's) who are more interested in sleeping all day thenwaking up to help their young siblings take their ARVs. I hear aboutunemployed boyfriends living off of single mothers. I fear this place has adeeply scarred view of manhood though I can't understand why or how such athing would've deteriorated to such a point. One woman said "Eh, men? Someof them are good for something, but most of them are good for nothing".
- Eight people, at least 1/2 of whom are HIV+, living off of 150Pula a week ($40).
Yesterday I got to go to an outreach clinic. Outreach clinics are community clinics where Baylor docs mentor local docs on how to give good pediatric HIV care. This trip definitely opened my eyes to how different the care isat Baylor clinic vs. the local world. It was a small two room clinic with await room overflowing with kids and adults to be seen. The doctors"clinic"room was about a 10x10ft space with some chairs, a desk, and an examining table (which was never cleaned the whole day we were there). The medical officer (they're not called doctors here) didn't have a stethoscope or an otoscope, didn't wash his hands all day and did not do anything that I would call a physical exam all day. But this is why Baylor is there to mentor right? So it is good that Baylor is not only striving to provide excellent care to our patients in clinic but also trying to take that care out to community doctors and empower them to treat people with a higher level of care as well.
Today was wonderful, I spent the day at the SOS children's orphanage inTlokweng. There's 170 orphans who live in 16 different houses (12kids/house and 2 "mothers"/house). Each house has two mothers so that the whole compound is split into these family units. It was beautiful to see the kids taking care of one another and refreshing to play with them outside for the day (the spontaneous dance party was by far my favorite part). I often feel separated from our patients in clinic because of the language - so it was such a gift and answered prayer to be able to just love on these kids for the day without language being an issue, because kids tend to be less hung up on words than adults. They were all so happy, and fed and well taken care of yet still desperate for attention and love. So it was aprivilege to be able to fill a small hole for them today by simply being willing to be a human jungle gym. It also never ceases to amaze me how the Lord is working in so many ways.That we don't so much "take" Him to people or "make" His plans come to fruition so much as be allowed to participate in the plans and actions He has already put into motion. I talked with a 19 yo girl named Maple at the orphanage today who has been befriended by Christians from Guatemala whovolunteer at SOS sometimes when they have time off from teaching at a local school. They have impacted her so deeply that she says she wants to go to Guatemala and study the Bible someday.
So I'm not sure that my entry this week has an overarching point. I feel privileged this week to have been able to love simply in Christ's name. I feel burdened by the suffering of His people in this place. I am continually awed by the beauty and strength of people who are suffering and poor but persevering. Please continue in prayer for me that God grants me opportunities to love His people well and connect with the culture here. Please pray for Christ to continue to bring hope and love to the people, and little people (those are children), here in Gabarone.
(you can also pray I don't get eaten by an alligator or a hippo when I gocamping up in Tuli park this weekend. We're staying by the Limpopo river andI'm not pumped about all the wildlife.)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Gabarone Week One
Hey guys - You'll be happy to know that I got my luggage and I am settling in here quite nicely. You can picture the conditions here as something less than mexico but something more than the mud hut that I'm sure some of you thought I would be living in. I have a house with running (hot!) water, a useless microwave, a refigerator and fans...however, if there are three of something in the house maybe one of them works, all our fans are broken, the ''AC'' blows hot air, 1/2 our lights are out and there is mold (alot) growing in our shower. There are 4 or us sharing a 3 bedroom house and one bathroom. But things are really good. I was definetly worried the first couple days that I was here - people weren't that friendly, our neighborhood is a little sketchy, no one really told me how to get places or where to be, it seemed like everyone was doing their own thing (socially and work wise) without really giving me the time of day. Plus I had a very traumatic trip to the "'grocery store'' whch I won't bore you with here. I hope that rice crispy cereal and fruit have adequate nutrition because cooking for myself here is proving to be a challenge. Since the first two days though the Lord has been reinforcing His faithfulness to me. The second night I was here I finally realized that getting connected with the people and culture of Gabarone (so that I might love them well and learn from them) was just not something that I was going to be able to accomplish on my own; so I gave it over to the Lord...needless to say in the subsequent days my Father has definetly demonstrated His faithfullness. I got connected with an SOS orphanage social worker who is going to get me connected with the orphanage in Tlokweng to see how I can work with them while I"m here and she's also invited me to her friends house in Namibia for Easter weekend. I have met other visiting students and together we have been able to get out and explore the city more. Additionally I have gotten paired with a physician from the US who is a good teacher and allows me to do much of the patient interview and planning on my own so I am learning alot. The Baylor-Botswana Children's Center of Excellence (BBCCOE) is an outpatient pediatric HIV/AIDS clinic that runs from 8-3ish everyday. The Botswanan Government is unique (''setting the example"'') in that HIV testing here is "'ópt-out'' style...which means that the default if for all people to be tested at health check ups unless they specifically ask that it not be done. Health care here is universal so all anti-retrovirals (those are HIV/AIDS medications) are free along with everything else. The typical kid we see is living with an aunt or cousin because their mother has died and their father is just not around. Most of them do pretty well if their extended families are supportive, at least until they are teens. Without fail every teenager's chart that we see here will be labeled "'poor adherence''. These kids continue to come to clinic but throw their medications away or lie about taking the medicines - it's so bad that even if they are observed taking their pills many of them will hide them under their tongue or in their cheek to throw away later. And I think this is something that at first you read with outrage and you just can't wrap your mind around why these kids would do that, you know, throw away medicine that will keep them from dying from the same thing most of them have watched their mothers die from. But then you realize that HIV, it's almost the norm here. One in four Botswanan's have HIV/AIDS. And you have to wonder too, when in life you are taught that suffering, death, hunger, neglect, HIV, father's who leave and mother's who die is the norm; and, that life, hope, love, loyalty and united families are rare things that only occasionally manifest...would I throw my ARVs away and at least maintain the illusion of normalacy for my teen years? I don't know. And suddenly being angry at them is much harder - but trying to save them is equally difficult and painful. There are about a hundred other things I could tell you about - I will try to write more often. But I will leave you with the story of my favorite patient this week. A young mother of 2-year-old twins and 8yo daughter (Bridget) came into clinic with Bridget. Bridget is HIV positive with severe progession of here disease including heart failure (2/2 dilated cardiomyopathy) and neurological deficits - at here previous visit 1 month ago she had a complicating dyskinesia so severe that she wasn't even able to walk on her own. Today, however, she walked into clinic with a big smile on her face (and a bag of cheetos...guess she's gonna hide those from her cardiologist who she's going to see next). Bridget and her mom playfully cut-up with one another throughout the interview, and while talking to Bridget's mom we come to find out that one of her twins is also sick, she has severe hydrocephalus w/a VP shunt and at 2yrs of age is still unable to walk. Her twins names are Faith and Hope - and with one of those resilient yet exhausted smiles that only the suffering can really create, she tells me that she continues to have ''hope''' that Hope will live against all odds and that Bridget will live happily. That this is what keeps her moving forward and going to appointments and finding food - hope. (Ephesians 3:14-20) Please pray for the people of Gabarone that the Jesus Christ would be powerfully present and replenish their hope. Please pray for me that the Lord continues to guide me in His plans while I'm here and allows me opportunities to love His people. I told you they would be novels, Thanks for making it this far.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I"m leaving for Botswana in the morning - it never ceases to amaze me that I can start the day in one place and wake up on the other side of the world. It reminds me how small our world really is.
The first time I wrote this email I made out a whole list of things that I would like for you to pray for me about, safe travel, good teachers, a heart open to God's will...but I think that if there is just one thing that I could ask you to pray for, one thing I want more than anything in the next five weeks it is this: Just to love people well in Christ's name. Please pray this on my behalf.
Also, for those who want to read more about what happened at Harvester's REaching the Nations in the past couple weeks I have attatched their newsletter below if you just scroll down. Please continue to keep them in your prayers as well.
Timshel,
Jenny
**********HRTN NEWSLETTER UPDATE EXCERPT******************
This has been a month of dependence on God for help. We praise Him for His goodness and give thanks for His Word and His Blessings!
We recently received an e-mail from Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child (OCC). For those of you who don't know, OCC is a program that brings joy and hope to children in desperate situations around the world. Through gift-filled shoe boxes and the Good News of God's love, OCC focuses on the true meaning of Christmas ~ Jesus Christ. OCC informed us that we had been chosen as recipients of this incredible gift and that we were to have a special distribution ~ with special guests that would be coming to hand out the gifts.
To our surprise, there were more than twenty guests that arrived at our compound ~ and one of them was Franklin Graham! Harvesters' children had been practicing songs and memory bible verses for this event for two weeks with Pastor Pooshani.
Each of our children received a Christmas box filled with special items that was packed and prayed over and sent to our orphans. Franklin and the VIP crew interacted with the children as the film crew recorded all of this.
After many pictures where taken and the program was over, we got to visit with Franklin. He is a very humble man. I appreciate his family so much, especially his father, Billy Graham, for all of the years of sacrifices he has made to be obedient to answer the call on his life of preaching the gospel. Even when times were hard and may not have been pleasant, he has been faithful to God, and God has honored and blessed his ministry and family for that. That is why the Grahams are one of my Christian Heroes.
When they where leaving they told us that Samaritan's Purse was going to bless us with two new trucks we have been needing and praying for. They are also going to try and bring awareness for Harvesters in the public eye!
It wasn't long after this blessing that we were once again reminded of the daily challenges of living in this war torn land as we received terrible news at our compound. One of our employees, Itiya, who just recovered from cerebral malaria, received word that five of her family members where beaten to death by the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), just five miles from our compound. She was told that the LRA came to the family's tukul and ordered them to get on the ground face down. Itiya's aunt, three children and grandmother were beaten, hit with an axe and killed. Itiya is devastated and our children have been frightened and did not sleep well that night.
Many times we don't understand why things happen the way they do, but we cannot loose hope in Christ. We are comforted by the words of Psalm 121: 1-8. We know that as we travel the road He has laid out for us that we are protected, not by anything created here on earth, but by the Creator of everything. We praise Him for His goodness, we recount the blessings of living by His Word and we are reminded that the best we can offer Him is a faithful and obedient life. That is why we are here ~ to serve as an example to our children and to give them that hope of eternal life. We never know what day we may be called to leave this earthly life and we must be ready.
Please continue to pray that God will heal these scars on so many Sudanese hearts from so much tragedy. We love each and every one of you.
From our hearts, Mama Lilly and Pastor Dennis
The first time I wrote this email I made out a whole list of things that I would like for you to pray for me about, safe travel, good teachers, a heart open to God's will...but I think that if there is just one thing that I could ask you to pray for, one thing I want more than anything in the next five weeks it is this: Just to love people well in Christ's name. Please pray this on my behalf.
Also, for those who want to read more about what happened at Harvester's REaching the Nations in the past couple weeks I have attatched their newsletter below if you just scroll down. Please continue to keep them in your prayers as well.
Timshel,
Jenny
**********HRTN NEWSLETTER UPDATE EXCERPT******************
This has been a month of dependence on God for help. We praise Him for His goodness and give thanks for His Word and His Blessings!
We recently received an e-mail from Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child (OCC). For those of you who don't know, OCC is a program that brings joy and hope to children in desperate situations around the world. Through gift-filled shoe boxes and the Good News of God's love, OCC focuses on the true meaning of Christmas ~ Jesus Christ. OCC informed us that we had been chosen as recipients of this incredible gift and that we were to have a special distribution ~ with special guests that would be coming to hand out the gifts.
To our surprise, there were more than twenty guests that arrived at our compound ~ and one of them was Franklin Graham! Harvesters' children had been practicing songs and memory bible verses for this event for two weeks with Pastor Pooshani.
Each of our children received a Christmas box filled with special items that was packed and prayed over and sent to our orphans. Franklin and the VIP crew interacted with the children as the film crew recorded all of this.
After many pictures where taken and the program was over, we got to visit with Franklin. He is a very humble man. I appreciate his family so much, especially his father, Billy Graham, for all of the years of sacrifices he has made to be obedient to answer the call on his life of preaching the gospel. Even when times were hard and may not have been pleasant, he has been faithful to God, and God has honored and blessed his ministry and family for that. That is why the Grahams are one of my Christian Heroes.
When they where leaving they told us that Samaritan's Purse was going to bless us with two new trucks we have been needing and praying for. They are also going to try and bring awareness for Harvesters in the public eye!
It wasn't long after this blessing that we were once again reminded of the daily challenges of living in this war torn land as we received terrible news at our compound. One of our employees, Itiya, who just recovered from cerebral malaria, received word that five of her family members where beaten to death by the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), just five miles from our compound. She was told that the LRA came to the family's tukul and ordered them to get on the ground face down. Itiya's aunt, three children and grandmother were beaten, hit with an axe and killed. Itiya is devastated and our children have been frightened and did not sleep well that night.
Many times we don't understand why things happen the way they do, but we cannot loose hope in Christ. We are comforted by the words of Psalm 121: 1-8. We know that as we travel the road He has laid out for us that we are protected, not by anything created here on earth, but by the Creator of everything. We praise Him for His goodness, we recount the blessings of living by His Word and we are reminded that the best we can offer Him is a faithful and obedient life. That is why we are here ~ to serve as an example to our children and to give them that hope of eternal life. We never know what day we may be called to leave this earthly life and we must be ready.
Please continue to pray that God will heal these scars on so many Sudanese hearts from so much tragedy. We love each and every one of you.
From our hearts, Mama Lilly and Pastor Dennis
Tuesday 3/10 I have coffee with Diane Black (founder of Harvesters Reaching The Nations (HRTN) where I’m supposed to work in the Sudan). She tells me that earlier in the week the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) came all the way down into the village where HRTN works and killed five of the family members of a native African who works for them there. The LRA has never been this close to the village in the past. The people are scared and either leaving the village at night to go sleep in the main town or have completely moved out of their homes and into the main town. HRTN is shutting down their generators early every night so as to draw less attention to themselves and the 150 children who reside there. She tells me that so far they have been safe; and, although it is still my choice, the HRTN board would strongly recommend against me coming to Sudan in March…I’m crushed and disappointed. I’m confused why the Lord would call me to this place I originally didn’t even want to go to, and then ask me not to go at the last moment? I’m worried for the children in the orphanage; will they be taken to become child soldiers? Or killed?
I come home to CNN to find that Northern Sudan has given orders that all 12 major aid agencies residing in the Sudan must leave. Some workers will stay and be kidnapped the following day. The workers of the aid agencies drawn faces appear on my TV, they want to know how these people will get the water and the resources they need to survive…there is no answer to their question. Only a standing order to evacuate.
I pray: Lord, please make Your will clear to me. I fear that perhaps I manufacture Your voice in my life. Did I hear you wrong? Did you never mean for me to go to the Sudan? Do I dream up schemes and Your voice and call them Your will? Am I an idiot for believing all of this? Because I feel like one and I’m not sure what You’re doing. I feel like I’ve wasted all this time and energy planning a trip that three months ago I was afraid to take – so You cast out my fear and worked out all the details…for what? To stop the whole thing just as I’m about to leave? Somehow, please show me, your doubting child, very clearly if you want me in the Sudan or You want me to let it go. My only hope is in You.
The last words I feel the Lord speak to my heart as I fall asleep are these: Do you feel like what I asked of Abraham was a waste of time simply because Isaac was never sacrificed on the altar? I asked Abraham to put Me above all, even his most beloved son, and he did. I asked you to put Me above all else – the pain you may cause your family and those you love, your logic, your need to control and understand everything, your need to have a reason and a goal in the all the things you do. I asked you to go simply because I said go and you were willing. I do not waste time.
Diane Black emailed me later in the week essentially stating that the situation was worsening such that it was no longer my choice whether or not I would come to serve with them in Sudan. So I will not be visiting the Sudan this year after all.
I am slowly learning to be at peace and accept the Lord’s plan over my own. It is a daily task – one I often think I am accomplishing until I realize I’m not accomplishing it at all. I believe that the Lord God, Jesus Christ is sovereign over all – that He knew everyday of my life (including this one) when I was knit together in my mother’s womb, that His love for me is perfect and can therefore drive out all my fear of failure, wasted time and everything else that lies ahead.
I will still be traveling to Botswana to serve with BIPAI for five weeks on March 29. Please pray for me that I have eyes that see and ears that hear so that I may join the Lord where He is already at work and hear His will for me. Please pray for HRTN and the people of Sudan.
Timshel,
Jenny
I come home to CNN to find that Northern Sudan has given orders that all 12 major aid agencies residing in the Sudan must leave. Some workers will stay and be kidnapped the following day. The workers of the aid agencies drawn faces appear on my TV, they want to know how these people will get the water and the resources they need to survive…there is no answer to their question. Only a standing order to evacuate.
I pray: Lord, please make Your will clear to me. I fear that perhaps I manufacture Your voice in my life. Did I hear you wrong? Did you never mean for me to go to the Sudan? Do I dream up schemes and Your voice and call them Your will? Am I an idiot for believing all of this? Because I feel like one and I’m not sure what You’re doing. I feel like I’ve wasted all this time and energy planning a trip that three months ago I was afraid to take – so You cast out my fear and worked out all the details…for what? To stop the whole thing just as I’m about to leave? Somehow, please show me, your doubting child, very clearly if you want me in the Sudan or You want me to let it go. My only hope is in You.
The last words I feel the Lord speak to my heart as I fall asleep are these: Do you feel like what I asked of Abraham was a waste of time simply because Isaac was never sacrificed on the altar? I asked Abraham to put Me above all, even his most beloved son, and he did. I asked you to put Me above all else – the pain you may cause your family and those you love, your logic, your need to control and understand everything, your need to have a reason and a goal in the all the things you do. I asked you to go simply because I said go and you were willing. I do not waste time.
Diane Black emailed me later in the week essentially stating that the situation was worsening such that it was no longer my choice whether or not I would come to serve with them in Sudan. So I will not be visiting the Sudan this year after all.
I am slowly learning to be at peace and accept the Lord’s plan over my own. It is a daily task – one I often think I am accomplishing until I realize I’m not accomplishing it at all. I believe that the Lord God, Jesus Christ is sovereign over all – that He knew everyday of my life (including this one) when I was knit together in my mother’s womb, that His love for me is perfect and can therefore drive out all my fear of failure, wasted time and everything else that lies ahead.
I will still be traveling to Botswana to serve with BIPAI for five weeks on March 29. Please pray for me that I have eyes that see and ears that hear so that I may join the Lord where He is already at work and hear His will for me. Please pray for HRTN and the people of Sudan.
Timshel,
Jenny
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